Leading the Life You Want, Part 1
In this episode of the Take Good Care podcast, hosts Dr. Mironda Williams, Dr. Deanna Guthrie, and Dr. Karen Greene continue their ongoing series on transitioning “from chaos to calm.” Revisitng a theme inspired by a Spelman College leadership course completed by Dr. Williams, the hosts discuss how true leadership begins with self-leadership. Before managing external responsibilities, women must pause to evaluate their foundational identity: Who am I? What do I believe? and Are my daily actions aligned with those core values? To learn more about the hosts and their practice, visit ROSA Gynecology.
The physicians offer transparent reflections on their personal seasons of life, shifting priorities, and boundary-setting. Dr. Greene identifies herself as a planner and caretaker, opening up about facing post-pandemic realities and addressing underlying anxieties around aging and long-term life planning. Dr. Guthrie reflects on navigating a season of transition, examining how her past routines have evolved and why she now carefully guards what she says “yes” to. Dr. Williams outlines her core belief framework—centered on health, wholeness, and community impact—and explains how treating her time and energy as precious commodities helps her avoid taking on overwhelming commitments.
The episode concludes with a practical conversation on self-care routines that cultivate internal peace. The doctors share their personal practices, ranging from Dr. Greene’s goal of daily meditation with self-compassion, to Dr. Guthrie’s intentional quiet time alone at home, to Dr. Williams creating a dedicated prayer space and scheduling weekly spiritual time. By encouraging listeners to “give a name” to their stressors and embrace the tension of life transitions, the hosts offer an inspiring reminder that achieving calm is an evolving, intentional process. For more episodes and health resources, explore the ROSA Gynecology Podcast Page.
Transcript
Dr. Mironda Williams: Welcome to Take Good Care Podcast.
Dr. Deanna Guthrie: An endeavor that grew out of our love for obstetrics and gynecology.
Dr. Karen Greene: Our aim and mission is to serve as a source of vital information for women of all races, ages, and walks in life.
Dr. Mironda Williams: I am Dr. Mironda Williams.
Dr. Deanna Guthrie: I’m Dr. Deanna Guthrie.
Dr. Karen Greene: And I’m Dr. Karen Greene.
Dr. Mironda Williams: Welcome to our show.
Dr. Karen Greene: Welcome to our show.
Dr. Deanna Guthrie: Welcome to our show.
Dr. Mironda Williams: Welcome to Take Good Care podcast. I’m Dr. Mironda Williams.
Dr. Deanna Guthrie: I’m Dr. Deanna Guthrie.
Dr. Karen Greene: And I’m Dr. Karen Greene.
Dr. Mironda Williams: So we, in this new season for Take Good Care Podcast, are continuing our discussions, really giving some deeper thought into this whole concept of trying to go from chaos to calm. But what I need to do to calm myself down is to remind all of us who are looking at our YouTube channel and our website that we are live and on the air! Yay.
Dr. Karen Greene: It’s the little things.
Dr. Mironda Williams: It’s the little things. So what we’re doing with today’s episode is reviewing one of the things that we did back in season four. During that season, we had a show about bucket lists or “”design your life,”” and it was about a course that I was taking in leadership over at Spelman College.
The interesting thing about the leadership course is that before we did eight weeks of study about leading in the corporate environment and doing things from a business standpoint, the first eight weeks of the course were all about leading yourself and understanding who you are as a person, what your interests are, and those kinds of things. Because the concept was that if you can’t lead yourself and lead your life, then how are you able to then lead those who are under you or who are supporting your mission?
So the whole concept of lead your life or design your life started with really trying to evaluate who you are, what you believe, and then what you are doing, to see if all those things are aligned.
So before we start talking specifically about who we may think we are and what we believe and whether the things we’re doing align with that, I went back and listened to the episode we did a couple years ago. In that episode, we did what we always do: we talk about what we’re going to talk about and how we want to talk about what we’re talking about, but then we never get around to actually talking about it! So I thought that this would be a good opportunity to slow down, take a little time, and really share with ourselves and share with the audience a little bit more detail.
The whole thing about leading your own life and designing your life is making sure you’re tuning in, checking in, and being mindful about what’s happening to your life so that your life doesn’t just happen to you while you figure it out as you’re going along. But ladies, what do you think of when you think about leading your life or designing your life? What comes to mind for you? What does that mean for you?
Dr. Karen Greene: I think for me… well, when I thought about this, I thought, “”Okay, what have I done thus far that goes against leading my life?”” And probably it was doing what your parents want you to do, what your job wants you to do, maybe what your spouse wants you to do, and you get lost in all that.
So I said, “”Okay, so what do I want to do?”” So for me, leading my life is really creating a plan of things that I want to do and executing those, and not just doing something because I’ve always done it. So for me, that’s what I think about. I really need to have a concrete plan so I’m not just talking about it, as you would say.
Dr. Mironda Williams: What about you?
Dr. Deanna Guthrie: I guess for me it’s taking stock of where you are and asking: are you going where you want to be going? And then making sure that whatever you’re doing at the current time—it doesn’t have to be right or wrong—is taking you in the general direction of where you want to end up. So doing those things where there may need to be a little course correction along the way. That’s what I think about when I think about leading.
Dr. Mironda Williams: So specifically, how do you get information about that? I’ll share for me: when I was taking this course, and now two-plus years later thinking about this again, I try to really understand: who am I now? Is it any different? What do I believe? Is that any different? What am I doing? Is that any different? Where do you get the information for that? What types of places or sources help to inform that?
For me, with the course as well as with some other things, I took some personality assessments. They have all these things you can Google now: “”Are you an introvert? Are you an extrovert? Are you an ambivert? Are you whatever-vert they make up that week?”” Just to try to get some objective evaluation of, “”Okay, what kind of personality do I have?”” based on psychology tests that inform that. That was one source.
Another source that I think is really helpful is: what do other people say about you? And not just random people, but trusted friends, confidants, people who you go to for their wisdom, who really know who you are. I think sometimes when you see yourself reflected in other people’s eyes and how they see your strengths and maybe some of your challenges, it helps turn the light on for yourself about who you are. How do people perceive you? What kinds of characteristics seem to be a common trend in terms of what kind of person you are, what your strengths are, and what your challenges are?
In another class, and then with some Bible studies and things, a lot of people talk about how the best way to know who you are is to look at your history. Over the course of your life, are there some things that tend to repeat?
For me, one of the things—and I’ve had a good friend of mine and my parents say this all the time—is that I always find myself in a position of leadership. I don’t seek to be a leader, but I find myself in leadership. I have a good friend who said, “”Yeah, because in middle school you were running the class.””
I said, “”What? I wasn’t running the class. I was getting my lesson!””
He said, “”No, we would always end up saying, ‘Well, what do you think we should do?'””
And looking back on my life, I saw where it always was the case that I found myself in those positions. Then I finally just started to own that. I said, “”Oh, I am a leader. I’m a leader because my mind works that way.”” I see things in multiple steps. I can look at that door and say, “”To get to that door, I’ve got to go around this table. There’s a book on the table—don’t knock the table over. There are some cords over there; there’s a light in the corner.”” So my mind is already negotiating all of that before I get to the door.
Everyone isn’t a leader, because leaders aren’t leaders without followers. Some people can say, “”I’m a leader,”” but if people aren’t following you, then are you a leader or do you just aspire to leadership? Because leadership should inspire people to follow and to trust your direction.
Do you all have any other thoughts about how you… when you were thinking about the question of “”Who am I?””, how did you start to think about that specifically? Did you talk to other people, or did you think about your life in the past? What kinds of things did you think about?
Dr. Karen Greene: I think that I find myself at a point where I’m starting to look at the future and look at examples of other people and what they’re doing. If I’m going to aspire to do that—whether it’s to spend more time outside of work, or to travel more—how am I actually going to go about that? Looking at financial advice and saying, “”Okay, how am I going to finance that?”” I always think, “”Okay, that’s all well and good, but if I want to go to Tulum every year, someone’s going to pay for it.””
Both my husband and I have been looking at that in terms of, “”Okay, do we really need such a big house? Do we want to downsize? What does that entail?””
So for us, it’s more logistical: if this is what I want to do, how is that going to actually work? Because on a day-to-day basis, you get into a mode where you’re not really thinking of the long term. I know for me, I’m a planner, so it’s like, “”Okay, I’m going to do this; I’m going to pay bills here,”” and I have a schedule. I still like that part about me because I think it keeps us on track.
But in looking toward the future, you really have to think: if this is what I want to do, how am I going to go about that realistically? Not just assuming it’s going to happen. In the past, I assumed it was going to happen, but now on the other side, coming towards retirement—or whatever that means in the next several years—what does that actually mean?
Dr. Mironda Williams: I’m going to push you back though! You’re back to doing, and I want you to think about who you are. You said one thing that, if you were to ask me to give you a word of how I would describe you, that word would be planner.
Dr. Karen Greene: Right.
Dr. Mironda Williams: Is there another word you would use to describe yourself? Because if someone were to ask what kind of person Karen is besides a planner, is there another word you can think of that describes you?
Dr. Karen Greene: I think I’m also a caretaker. I enjoy my job, but I also like the caring part of it. I enjoy listening to people and trying to figure out what—other than medicine—can help them in a particular situation. That part really brings me joy. How else can I get that outside of my job?
Dr. Mironda Williams: See, that’s good! That’s what I’m trying to get to. We are very task-oriented, career-focused, and profession-focused, so we tend to look at everything in that realm. To your point, I think this is what all of us are starting to think about: at some point—and listening audience, patients, friends, and family, we are not quitting anytime soon, we like our work and want to keep working—eventually, there will come a time when we will not work like this.
I think all of us have seen where people get to that point, and because we haven’t given ourselves the opportunity to really think about, “”Well, what does being a planner and a caretaker look like outside of medicine?”” How can I start to think now so that 10, 15, or 20 years from now, I can still get those good feelings from being a planner and a caretaker without necessarily planning my life around work?
Deanna?
Dr. Deanna Guthrie: I kind of took a step back. Like you said, you have to look at what was going on in your life, what’s repeating, and take stock as to why things are repeating. It could be a good repeat, or it could be a challenging repeat.
Dr. Mironda Williams: Or a challenging repeat.
Dr. Deanna Guthrie: A challenging repeat—and just delving into why you do that. Why do you do the things that you do? I’m still trying to figure out where I am right now. A lot of things have changed; there are a lot of moving pieces right now. In the middle of all that, I’m trying to… not settle, that’s not the word I want to use…
Dr. Mironda Williams: Just come to the realization, perhaps? The understanding or conceptualization of where you are?
Dr. Deanna Guthrie: …of where I am and how I got here.
Dr. Karen Greene: Because it comes so fast, and you look back and ask, “”How did I get here?””
Dr. Mironda Williams: Do you have a word? If you were to think of how you wanted to describe yourself… Karen, do you have a descriptive term for either me or Deanna for who we are and the kind of people we are? PG-rated, of course—can’t tell too many secrets for our listening and viewing audience!
Dr. Karen Greene: It’s funny. I was listening to a podcast talking about… and I love Deanna, but I think she’s a procrastinator. And I think the reason for it is because when you’re overwhelmed and so many things are coming at you, it is much easier not to do than to do. And so…
Dr. Deanna Guthrie: Procrastinate as far as…
Dr. Karen Greene: Just planning stuff.
Dr. Deanna Guthrie: Procrastinating is different from not planning. If you’re a procrastinator, it means that you just don’t do what you’re supposed to do.
Dr. Karen Greene: No, you do do what you’re supposed to do because you’ve always done it! But I’m saying as far as other stuff that you could be doing, that you want to do… instead of planning it, it just becomes too much all of the time, so you just can’t.
I think that that’s a separate part of who you are as a physician. It’s the “”you”” outside of being you the doctor. It’s all of this other stuff that now, like you said, “”I have all this more free time.”” I listened to the first episode where you said, “”I’ve got all this free time…””
Dr. Mironda Williams: Now, just as a reminder to our audience, season four was recorded back in 2022, just to give people a reference. We’re now about two and a half to three years since that time.
Dr. Karen Greene: Yeah, it’s been about two years coming up. And what Dr. Guthrie said was, “”Now that I have all this time and we’re not delivering babies, I feel like I should be doing more.”” What struck me is that, instead of doing more, you procrastinate against doing more because there are so many choices and so many things hitting you at once. That’s my impression.
Dr. Deanna Guthrie: All right. Now, for me, when I thought about it before regarding planning stuff… even with Mironda, when we were trying to plan going to see Hamilton, usually I’d be the one on the internet with the flight and all the information ready. I used to do that. I still haven’t figured out quite yet what…
Dr. Mironda Williams: Again, pushing back: we’re not talking about doing.
Dr. Deanna Guthrie: I know, but what I’m saying is: why? What changed in me where now I’m not that way anymore? It’s not that I feel a big void in my life that I’m not doing things, but I’m still trying to figure out why things changed from the person I used to be—where I was always travel, doing things, boom-boom-boom—to now where I don’t do as much.
Dr. Mironda Williams: I think this is good, though. This shows the tension, right? A lot of what we do on this podcast intentionally is to present information, ideas, and conversation. We hear all the time from our patients and listeners that they like that we’re real, relatable, and talking about relevant stuff.
The important thing is that you may not have a single word for yourself right now because you’re in a transition point. You’re in a shifting season. What was is not what is now, and we don’t know what’s coming up. That tension is okay.
Dr. Deanna Guthrie: It’s a little scary.
Dr. Mironda Williams: It’s scary, and it should be scary, because usually you don’t change unless you’re scared, tired, or frustrated. But the tension in that is the point I’m glad we’re showing in our conversation today, because that’s real life.
You don’t always know. You don’t always have a word to describe where you may be or who you are or what you’re thinking right now, but it doesn’t mean you leave it there. It means you stay in that tension. It means asking, “”Do I need to take a personality test? Do I have a great friend whose insight I trust where I can call and say, ‘Hey, I’m in this position in life right now. Tell me what you think about me’?””
Dr. Karen Greene: You need that objective point of view.
Dr. Mironda Williams: There are resources out there. As a matter of fact, there is a book that we used in my course called Designing Your Life: How to Build a Well-Lived, Joyful Life.
There are resources, and that’s the point I really want to make to each of us and to the audience: you don’t have to know everything immediately. The tragedy would be if you never try to find out. Because of our age, we have friends and people passing away and leaving this world. The thing that I am really pushing myself, patients, friends, and family on is that nothing is promised and time is ticking. Keep pushing and keep searching. Keep trying to find what resonates with you so that you know who you are—not just what you do, but who am I? We should all have some sense of who we are, because that will inform what you believe and what you do.
I’ll give you an example. In this course, when we got to the end of the first section on “”Leading Yourself,”” we had to come up with a personal development plan. There were several requirements for this plan: we had to define who we are, what we believe, and what we do. I really had to sit with this; it was not something that came quickly.
By doing the work, what I came up with in terms of what I believe was: What are the tenets of my life that are consistent?
- I believe in health.
- I believe in wholeness.
- I believe in making a difference in my community.
- I believe in everyone having a fulfilled life.
That’s what I believe. That aligns with my medical profession, but I don’t have to perform another Pap smear to still believe that. That’s what I mean by believe. It can be expressed in my profession, in friendships, in my family, in travel choices, or in groups.
It was really helpful to me to say, “”Oh, this is what I believe.”” Because I can now articulate that in succinct, descriptive terms, when other things came to me over the last few years, it allowed me to ask, “”Okay, wait. Does this fit what I believe?””
Now, my challenge—and I’ll admit this—is still saying no. Because as a leader, I am strategic, decisive, action-oriented, and visionary. So people will say, “”Well, hey, can you do XYZ? We need you to do this, this, and this. Do you mind helping us?””
I had gotten better at saying no, but over the last couple of years, I started adding things to my plate again. Where I am at this point is reminding myself: this is who I am and this is what I believe, but some of what I’m doing now is too much. It’s becoming overwhelming.
It’s encroaching on time, and I’m very aware that we only have so much time and energy. I consider energy and time to be commodities now. If I’m expending my energy and time with you, is it fulfilling what I believe and who I am? If you’re just extracting my time and energy without supporting what I believe and who I am, then I’m going to have to stop giving you that time and energy because I only have so much in the bank.
What do you all think about that?
Dr. Deanna Guthrie: I agree. If I say yes to something, I’m going to do my best no matter what to complete what I said yes to. So in the past few years, I’ve been more careful about what I say yes to. It’s not just about saying no more; it’s about what I am saying yes to.
I had an opportunity to take on a leadership role in something recently. I wanted to do it, but I really sat and thought about it. I called the person asking me and said, “”I really want to do it, but I would hate to take it on and not be able to do what I felt I should do with this position.”” So I declined it. Where you think of time as a commodity, Mironda, I was thinking, “”I want to do the best that I can do if I’m going to say yes to something.””
Dr. Mironda Williams: And I agree with that. But again, we can do good in a lot of things. We’re very high-achieving people, but doing good in something doesn’t mean you should do it. That’s the point I’m trying to get to.
For instance, we’re all members of the same sorority. Two of us are actively involved in chapters, and one of us is not—in spite of the other two always trying to get that one to become active! The one who doesn’t join knows: “”I know who I am. I will probably at some point be pulled into a leadership role that will attract more time and energy from me. I know what I believe, and even though I could do it and excel, it’s not fulfilling who I am and what I believe right now. So it doesn’t need to be something that I do,”” even though people think they’re going to change my mind! You can’t change my mind because I know who I am, I know what I believe, and I know what I’m going to do to support those actions.
Dr. Karen Greene: It’s funny, because when you say that, it makes me think about how much stuff I could do that I don’t want to be pulled into at this time in my life. I feel like I’m staying on the periphery. Of the three of us, the person who is the youngest in this particular organization does the most, which is wonderful and as it should be!
I find myself picking and choosing things I want to do because I know you can get sucked in and swallowed up. Right now, I’m the person who wants to plan for the future—partly because I’m a planner, but also because certain parts of the future frighten me, so I have to lean into those aspects.
Dr. Mironda Williams: What frightens you?
Dr. Karen Greene: The whole idea of buying a grave site. My husband said, “”We need to get a grave site.””
I’m like, “”Do we really need to right now?”” But he’s right.
The thing that has come to me over the last four years post-pandemic is: what part of that bothers me so much? It’s death.
Dr. Mironda Williams: That’s the point. What’s the deeper point?
Dr. Karen Greene: It puts things in perspective. When I look at my life, I feel like I zipped up this hill and now I’m coming down. That remaining stretch—retirement, death, whatever—it’s all coming. I have to find a way through self-reflection to become more comfortable with that, because it’s something I don’t like to talk about, no matter how many people I’ve lost.
As you say, people are passing away and our time is short. I have to come to the realization that, yes, we need somewhere to be buried, we need to plan for that, and we need to make a last will and testament. Those types of things bother me, but because I need to focus on those logistical planning tasks to make me more comfortable, extraneous obligations just don’t fit right now.
Dr. Mironda Williams: And part of that is going to be helped when you lean into what you believe.
Dr. Karen Greene: Right. My spirituality has helped a lot.
Dr. Mironda Williams: Not just spiritually, but also recognizing that this is a practical matter. It requires some planning, but you’re not trying to leave tomorrow, and you believe that you have a long, fulfilling life yet to live. See what I’m saying?
Dr. Karen Greene: It’s funny, because even believing that wasn’t enough until I dove deeper into asking, “”How can I become less anxious about it?”” Because it truly was anxiety. I realized during the pandemic—when I suddenly had more time on my hands to think—what is going to make me feel less anxious about that aspect? Knowing it’s in the future, but coming. Ten years ago, I didn’t think about it at all. Now, the planning part is the easy part, even if it makes me uncomfortable. The actual feeling of it is what I have to lean into and rely on: what about who I am is going to make that easier?
Dr. Mironda Williams: Well, that’s half the battle. I have another great friend who stays in therapy because she believes therapy is good for her. Her therapist tells her all the time when they’re having conversations: “”Give it a name.””
When you ask, “”Why am I not planning the things I need to plan?””, you need to give it a name. Once you give it a name, you can say, “”Oh, I’m anxious about this. Now let me figure out why I am anxious about this and how to address that anxiety.”” Because it’s not just about buying a burial plot; it’s about what is underneath that.
Give it a name.
As we wind down on this segment—which will extend into our next episode—we recall appearing on the Portia Show toward the end of 2024. Our topic was: How do we, as practicing physicians, gynecologists, business owners, mothers, wives, and partners, go from a chaotic existence to a calm existence? Going from chaos to calm is a great concept, but working it out is not easy. And you’re never truly “”done””—you don’t just arrive at calm forever.
Dr. Deanna Guthrie: It’s like nirvana.
Dr. Mironda Williams: Yeah. Doing that show really reminded us that we need to think about this more, because all of us are in positions of transition personally or professionally.
One of the questions I wanted us to ask each other as we wind down is a topic we’ve discussed in previous years: What self-care practices are you currently doing, or what self-care practices do you need to start doing?
Dr. Karen Greene: I’ll start. My goal is to really learn to meditate—to actually have a section somewhere in my house where I cannot be disturbed so I can meditate. Meditation is scientifically sound: it does a lot for your brain, helps cultivate calm, and helps you accomplish things. Theoretically, I know I should do it every day. When I think about it, I do it, though I can never do it for very long. But even doing it for a minute is a start.
I give myself grace. It’s kind of like when I started exercising: if I didn’t exercise every day but did it one day a week, I gave myself the grace to say, “”That’s okay.”” That’s the self-care I’m working on, though I should do more.
Dr. Mironda Williams: That’s great.
Dr. Deanna Guthrie: For me, it’s taking time completely to myself—not on the phone, not feeling like I have to be somewhere or doing something on the weekends. Right now, that looks like staying at home. I live by myself, so I don’t have to find a quiet spot away from others like you do, Karen. When I’m home for two days, I might not utter a single word. It’s just taking time to be by myself quietly.
What I need to start doing is getting back to my exercise program. I kind of let that go, and I’m starting to feel the effects of that now. So that’s what I need to do for self-care.
Dr. Mironda Williams: That’s good. What I’ve done is similar to you, Karen. We mentioned spirituality and beliefs and how we stay sane. Up until about 10 years ago, I was the “”church lady””—at church all day Sunday, Monday night, Tuesday night, Wednesday night Bible study, and Thursday council meetings! I was the church lady until I burned out and said, “”I am done.””
It didn’t change my relationship with God, but when the pandemic hit, my religious practices shifted because I stayed home. I discovered—or rediscovered—that I am a homebody. I like being at home! I don’t want to go outside. When Beyoncé said, “”It’s time to go outside,”” I said, “”Beyoncé, I don’t want to go outside!”” I like staying at home.
At the beginning of this year, I decided I needed to become more intentional in my prayer life. I pray all day long, but I wanted to be really intentional and structured about it. I set my alarm and calendar. To your point about starting where you are, I knew I wasn’t going to get up every day at 5:00 AM to pray, but I could do it one day a week.
Now, Tuesday mornings are my dedicated prayer time. I created a specific prayer space in my home so that when I go in there, I know what I’m there for. During the pandemic, a couple of friends and I made vision boards, so I put those in my prayer space alongside a notebook to write things down as they come to me. That is part of my self-care because it keeps me grounded. I do that for a dedicated hour every Tuesday before the day gets crazy.
What we are demonstrating with this conversation is that going from chaos to calm is a process. It requires constantly evaluating and reevaluating what you’re doing. But before jumping to what you’re doing, you have to check in with who you are right now.
We don’t become completely different people, but as life changes personally and professionally, it may change how or what you believe and what you do about it. Until you can identify how you describe yourself, who you are, what you believe, and what you do, it’s hard to make aligned decisions.
Before we wrap up this episode: next episode, tune in as we talk about how we are designing our lives to cultivate more calm.
Dr. Karen Greene: Nothing else to add!
Dr. Deanna Guthrie: No, that covers it.
Dr. Mironda Williams: We want to thank you all for listening. Spend some time with yourself. Talk to friends and people you trust—wise people who can speak positively into your life. Look into online resources or personality tests to gain insight into who you are, what you believe, and what decisions you should make.
Please continue to share our show with your friends and family. Check out our website at rosagynecology.com. We’re here for your physical health needs, but we also love talking about who we are as people, because you can’t separate who you are from your health journey.
Tune in to the Take Good Care podcast wherever you listen to pods. Until we meet again, please check out the next episode. I’m Dr. Mironda Williams.
Dr. Deanna Guthrie: I’m Dr. Deanna Guthrie.
Dr. Karen Greene: And I’m Dr. Karen Greene. Take good care.
