On this episode of the Take Good Care podcast, we welcome Reverend Autumn Wiggins-Merrill, a friend of Dr. Williams! Our physicians and Autumn discuss how she and Dr. Williams connected, the challenges Autumn faced when trying to get pregnant, and more.
Transcript
Dr. Mironda Williams:
On today’s episode of Take Good Care podcast, we’re continuing with the theme of just creative writing and talking about other things outside of the medicine realm. And we’re so happy to have as our guest today someone who I call our first and best fan girl. She’s actually Reverend. Reverend Autumn Wiggins-Merrill who is a dear friend of mine. We will go into how we met in just a little bit. But again, to remind our audience, I’m Dr. Mironda Williams.
Dr. Deanna Guthrie:
I’m Dr. Deanna Guthrie.
Dr. Karen Greene:
And I’m Dr. Karen Greene.
Dr. Mironda Williams:
Autumn, do you want to tell them how we connected? Your recollection of how we came to know one another-
Reverend Autumn Wiggins-Merrill:
Yeah.
Dr. Mironda Williams:
Initially. Okay, so I’ll let you start and I’ll fill in where I may need to fill in.
Reverend Autumn Wiggins-Merrill:
Yeah, absolutely. Thank you so much for having me. I am the biggest fan. And I did tell people that I would let them know that they better watch. As I do tell them regularly “Hey, watch, subscribe.” I just want to put it out there that the work that you do is absolutely incredible.
Dr. Mironda Williams:
Well, thank you. You’re biased but thank you.
Reverend Autumn Wiggins-Merrill:
Yeah, I’m a little bit biased. My husband is not a typical podcast watcher, although he listens to a number of them, and I was able to get him to sit down and watch one of your shows which is a big deal because he would never do that, ever. It does have something to do with Dr. Williams and that being [inaudible 00:02:42] so she says. I just wanted to thank you guys for the work that you do. And the fact that as physicians you spend time talking about real issues outside of what is typically medical, and that really is a concern for community and just health equity as a whole. So I really do applaud you guys for the work that you do.
Dr. Mironda Williams:
Thank you, thank you.
Reverend Autumn Wiggins-Merrill:
With regards to Dr. Williams, who is just amazing and that I love dearly, we met I think … When I first connected with you was during … What happened with Women’s Pray Zoom and she was helping a mutual friend of ours, Bishop Sharma Lewis, organizing that in the beginning when it had first got started. I think I reached out to you on Facebook. Yep, I think I reached out to you on Facebook. And particularly prayed for healing and things like that and I thought that was a little interesting. But then I found out that you were physician it made sense, right? I reached out to you to tell you all of that. And then we ended up talking about me wanting to have a baby.
Dr. Mironda Williams:
And Dr. Greene and Dr. Guthrie know about that and I’m just going to let the audience know. So during the pandemic when everybody’s on lockdown and shut down, our mutual friend, Bishop Sharma Lewis, decided she wanted to have a regular … I don’t know if it was once a month. But a regular opportunity for a virtual kind of a prayer meeting for women. And so the name of it was What Happened When Women Pray. For six or seven or eight sessions we would log on online because both Dr. Greene and Dr. Guthrie participated in some of those, and we would … Depending on what Bishop felt there would be some sessions that were for single women, some for married, some for whatever. Just whatever was needed.
Dr. Deanna Guthrie:
Oh, yes.
Dr. Mironda Williams:
What the Bishop would also do is that she would structure each session. She would have someone singing or she may have someone doing various things. And so Autumn, on one of those first What Happened When Women Pray online sessions, did a piece because she’s an amazing spoken word artist. And so she did a piece of hers. And I remember sitting there looking on down like who is this little young person because it was just really amazing. There was a night when Bishop called … She decided that everyone was supposed to pray for another woman.
Reverend Autumn Wiggins-Merrill:
Yes.
Dr. Mironda Williams:
The way it worked is that everyone was to put their prayer requests in the chat. We would have sometimes 200 women on the video call. And so I was helping Bishop to administratively do stuff. So when she would suggest something I would put whatever in the chat, that kind of thing, just trying to help things go along. So when she said that she wanted us all to put our prayer requests in the chat … And for those of you who’ve been on Zoom calls and stuff like that, when people start putting things in the chat-
Dr. Deanna Guthrie:
There’s a-
Dr. Mironda Williams:
The chat just starts scrolling rapidly. This is how we called each other. Because I’m looking at the chat but I wasn’t looking at the chat to necessarily identify someone that I was going to pray for I’m just looking because I’m trying to just administrate and do some things. And I told her this. It was all of a sudden all of the other names, all the other things that were flashing by, it just disappeared. And so the only name that I saw was Autumn’s. And at the time she was seeking to be pregnant. She was recently married and wanted to be pregnant and had had some issues. And so I said, “Oh, I’ll pray for her.
Reverend Autumn Wiggins-Merrill:
Yes, yeah.
Dr. Mironda Williams:
Simultaneously, what did you see on your end?
Reverend Autumn Wiggins-Merrill:
I was seeing the chat, there were a lot of people going in there, and you stuck out. But you also prayed during that session.
Dr. Mironda Williams:
During that session.
Reverend Autumn Wiggins-Merrill:
You also prayed during that session. And I know I wanted to pray for the person who was praying.
Dr. Mironda Williams:
Right.
Reverend Autumn Wiggins-Merrill:
And there was another person who was praying but you stuck out. Did you put something in the chat?
Dr. Mironda Williams:
I don’t think I did.
Reverend Autumn Wiggins-Merrill:
I don’t think so.
Dr. Mironda Williams:
I don’t think I did. Because she had several of us pray.
Reverend Autumn Wiggins-Merrill:
But your prayer really stuck out.
Dr. Mironda Williams:
Right. There was this connection in the spirit realm. Then that’s when we reached out to talk to one another because I said, “Oh, your name popped up to me.” Because that was one of the instructions. Bishop said-
Reverend Autumn Wiggins-Merrill:
To reach out.
Dr. Mironda Williams:
“You can reach out to the person if you want to. You don’t have to you can just pray for them.” And so I said, “Let me reach out to her and tell her” … And so then I think we were on the phone for three hours or something crazy.
Reverend Autumn Wiggins-Merrill:
It was definitely a serious connection right off the bat. And this was before I knew you were a Star Wars friend, or Disney and Marvel Freak.
Dr. Mironda Williams:
Yes, we have several passions in common.
Dr. Deanna Guthrie:
She likes Disney and Marvel?
Dr. Mironda Williams:
Yes. She’s not so much a Disney person.
Reverend Autumn Wiggins-Merrill:
Not as much Disney as I am Marvel.
Dr. Mironda Williams:
But she’s more Marvel.
Reverend Autumn Wiggins-Merrill:
Definitely a ’90s baby with Disney and stuff.
Dr. Mironda Williams:
We never met in person-
Reverend Autumn Wiggins-Merrill:
Right.
Dr. Mironda Williams:
For what three years?
Reverend Autumn Wiggins-Merrill:
Yeah, I think so.
Dr. Mironda Williams:
Two years?
Reverend Autumn Wiggins-Merrill:
Yeah, I think it was three years.
Dr. Mironda Williams:
Right. It’s just weird. It’s freaky actually, it’s a little freaky.
Reverend Autumn Wiggins-Merrill:
Right.
Dr. Mironda Williams:
Because this is how we connected. She was in the process of wanting to be pregnant and had some challenges in that arena. What would you like to share about that?
Reverend Autumn Wiggins-Merrill:
Absolutely. The challenges are just the journey as a whole.
Dr. Mironda Williams:
The journey as a whole?
Reverend Autumn Wiggins-Merrill:
Yeah. So Jordan and I had got married and we knew that we wanted to have kids right away, we knew that right away. This is easy we got this, right? It’s pretty straightforward. And then we found out pretty quickly that it wasn’t as straightforward for everybody, right? At the time we had just moved to Virginia. So we got married, moved to Virginia but our insurance was still in New Jersey. I was actually going back and forth from New Jersey to Virginia. Both of our families are from New Jersey. He was also going back and forth to support his family’s nonprofit and things like that. And this is during COVID, by the way.
Dr. Mironda Williams:
Right.
Reverend Autumn Wiggins-Merrill:
And when COVID first started, especially in states like New Jersey, the restrictions were … Everywhere they were pretty restricted but New Jersey and New York were really, really heavy-
Dr. Deanna Guthrie:
That bad.
Reverend Autumn Wiggins-Merrill:
With restrictions. We had tried and nothing for months. And I’m like “Okay, I’m concerned now.” So I scheduled an appointment with my gynecologist.
Dr. Deanna Guthrie:
Bless you.
Reverend Autumn Wiggins-Merrill:
She came back to me with some concerns initially-
Dr. Mironda Williams:
Blessing.
Reverend Autumn Wiggins-Merrill:
About scarring and how this may be difficult. She also talked to me about ovulation. And these were things I wasn’t understanding was a connection to pregnancy, right? I didn’t understand the cycle, and if you have a … How ovulation or any of those things happen. So she’s talking to me and it’s going wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, right? All I hear is problem, right? I’m a solutions-based person so I’m really looking for all right, problem, problem, problem, what’s the solution? And so she said a few things that were a little concerning to me. I left there feeling like I didn’t have a lot of options. Or that this was going to be a hard work forward.
And so I remember I called my mentor, Bishop Lewis, and was telling her what was going on. She said, “Girl, just pray about it, you’re fine,” right? And I was just like I don’t feel like that, right? I don’t know. You’re fine I’m not. We kept trying for a few months and still nothing. And took some insight from the doctor about tracking my ovulation and all of these different things. Lo and behold, after about a year I did get pregnant and was very excited, very, very excited. We got pregnant. I was pretty much very open about it from the moment that the result came back in our apartment bathroom. Everything seemed to be fine. We were still going back and forth to New Jersey.
I had an appointment at nine weeks and I seen the baby on the … They were doing an ultrasound, I’d seen the baby, and everything was fine, everything was great. “Can we know the gender now?” And they’re like “Pipe down, nine weeks. Not quite.” Because I hear people say this all the time, “Every pregnancy is different.” And for me, as someone who’s been pregnant multiple times but only have one child home with us, everyone was very different. That pregnancy was so smooth, right? Those first nine weeks there was nothing. My sisters over here saying they had morning sickness and all this stuff. I’m like “This is a piece of cake.”
We came back to Virginia after that appointment and … Maybe a few days later I had some spotting going on. And I was like “What’s this?” And my mom is a nurse so I was telling my mom. “Sometimes that happens as early as you are.” And she was asking me questions like “Is there any cramping going on or anything like that?” I’m like “No, just a little spotting.” I messaged my doctor in my chart and told her and she essentially said the same thing.
A couple days after that we … Jordan and I went hiking. And I still had some spotting, nothing … Again, nothing significant. But while we were hiking something felt wrong, right, and I really couldn’t put a finger on it. I didn’t have any back pain, I didn’t have any cramps. And these were things that I was reading to look out for and there was none of that. Something wasn’t right. And I was trying to explain to him and he’s like “All right, but if we go to the hospital you got to tell them something you can’t just be like something’s not right,” right? Because he’s very little person like all right, checking off the boxes. And so I was like “No. And I’ll tell him whatever I want to tell him when I get there.”
And so we get to the hospital and they … While we were in the waiting room I did start to experience a little bit of pressure in my back but nothing with that seemed significant. They called us back. First, they took a blood test and they were saying they were checking my HCG levels. Yep, that one. And then I went in to be observed and for them to do an ultrasound. There was a student doctor or student something, and she was putting the cream on, and rubbing the belly, and everything and she couldn’t find a heartbeat. Now she didn’t say that. I had an ultrasound a week before and I could hear when … When they’re doing that you can hear the heartbeat and I didn’t hear anything. So she left and got a doctor. I think that was a technician and she got a doctor.
And the doctor said … Told us that he couldn’t hear a heartbeat but we’re really early into the pregnancy. At this point we had just turned 10 weeks. So they used a different device, it was a wand, to try to get a clearer hearing and they didn’t hear anything. And then they said, “This could be the early start of a miscarriage but let’s wait for your levels to come back.” And when the levels came back they told us that … There was this chart and they were saying, “At 10 weeks you should be at this number,” which was upwards of tens of thousands number, and I was at 9,000 which would’ve been something that I should have been at weeks prior. And so they told me this was the onset of a miscarriage.
And so I went home. And I was very devastated. Jordan and I were just walking out of the hospital like … Well, it took us all this time and now we’re not going to have the baby. It was really, really hard to … For understand. And so I went home. And by the time we had gotten home I had some very heavy bleeding. And then I was in really serious pain. It felt like the worst cycle … Period that I had had and it was awful. Dr. Williams and I were already talking and things. By the next day I know that I had passed the fetus. Oh, man, that was really, really heavy. It was really hard for me to wrap my head around finally getting to this point and then nope, still not there yet. And then shortly after that I got pregnant again.
Dr. Mironda Williams:
I’m going to jump in for a second. And again, as we said in the offset, Autumn and I really connected in an unexplainable way. It makes no sense, right? She texts me all the time, when she was trying to get pregnant, all this stuff, and I’m giving her whatever advice and insight I can give her. So when she had gotten pregnant with this pregnancy, and then she said things were going seemingly well, and then ended up with this miscarriage. I want to get to the good part, I want to get to the good news. Even from an obstetrician, her description to me, either via phone calls or texts, it was a horrible miscarriage. It was a bad miscarriage.
Dr. Karen Greene:
Yeah, it sounds like it.
Dr. Mironda Williams:
It was extremely heavy bleeding, lots of cramping. She’s distraught, her husband is distraught. I’m distraught because I’m in Georgia they’re in Virginia so I’m just like. But we get through that. This girl. I remember this. We’re, whatever, talking one day, and I’m driving-
Reverend Autumn Wiggins-Merrill:
That was in July, by the way. That was July 26th.
Dr. Mironda Williams:
The miscarriage?
Reverend Autumn Wiggins-Merrill:
That’s very important. The miscarriage was-
Dr. Mironda Williams:
The miscarriage?
Reverend Autumn Wiggins-Merrill:
July 26th, yeah.
Dr. Mironda Williams:
Yeah, the miscarriage.
Reverend Autumn Wiggins-Merrill:
Yeah.
Dr. Mironda Williams:
So we’re talking, whenever we’re talking, some weeks, months later and we’re just talking, right? And she goes, “Some, some, some, some, some, some, some. Some, some, some, some, some, some, some. I haven’t had a period, I had a positive pregnancy test but I’m going to buy bread tomorrow.” I’m just like “Wait a second, what did you just say?”
Dr. Karen Greene:
And then she just glazed right over that.
Dr. Mironda Williams:
“I hadn’t had a period. I took a pregnancy test so I can’t be pregnant.” I’m like “That’s what that means. “What are you talking about?” Well, I haven’t had a period.” “That doesn’t matter, Autumn.” So I was like “Have you told Jordan?” “Well, no, because I’m not pregnant.” I’m like “Autumn, call your doctor. Girl. Can you please?”
Dr. Karen Greene:
I have a question. Because I remember her telling me that. I have a question. When you did that, was that your own way of protecting yourself?
Reverend Autumn Wiggins-Merrill:
I think so.
Dr. Karen Greene:
I mean, in retrospect?
Reverend Autumn Wiggins-Merrill:
Right? I think so-
Dr. Karen Greene:
It had to.
Reverend Autumn Wiggins-Merrill:
Because it happened so … Yes. So yes, I think it was my own denial to … Because I didn’t know that I even wanted to be, right, to be honest. I just really didn’t know that I wanted to be. So if I hear this out loud it really does confirm that this fear that is building up is genuine. And she was just like that. She was like “Wait a minute, back up.” And she said, “Why not again?”
Dr. Mironda Williams:
I’m like, please.
Reverend Autumn Wiggins-Merrill:
And I hadn’t told him, yeah.
Dr. Mironda Williams:
Yes. So she was pregnant again. Because like I said, I got to get to the good part. And so the pregnancy had some typical things. Because I was talking to my friends and I’m like “You all, this, that, and the other thing.”
Dr. Deanna Guthrie:
I didn’t think she was going to make it through.
Dr. Mironda Williams:
Girl.
Dr. Deanna Guthrie:
I was like “Aren’t you an OB/GYN?”
Dr. Mironda Williams:
Girl.
Dr. Deanna Guthrie:
“You’re and OB/GYN, you know about this.”
Dr. Mironda Williams:
I’m like don’t none of that matter. I know about this but you don’t understand-
Dr. Deanna Guthrie:
I was like “What?”
Dr. Mironda Williams:
We have prayed for this baby. We have been praying, praying, praying. So the pregnancy had some challenges. Autumn, do you want to talk about the delivery of your first daughter?
Reverend Autumn Wiggins-Merrill:
Sure, sure.
Dr. Mironda Williams:
Okay.
Reverend Autumn Wiggins-Merrill:
Because I do want to get to the good part, right?
Dr. Mironda Williams:
Yes.
Reverend Autumn Wiggins-Merrill:
How they even got to the delivery of our first daughter, her name is Yara … I’m now in the third trimester, I was in my 35th week appointment, and I was telling … And Jordan would come to me to every appointment. Every single appointment he was there. No matter how many pregnancies, every … He was right there, right? My doctor, Dr. Casey, who’s phenomenal she was like … Oh, I switched doctors, should say that. We now are in Virginia and I have a Virginia doctor. And the appointment’s just about over and she says, “Okay, well, everything’s all right so we’ll see you next week.” And then Jordan was like “Wait a minute, no. Autumn, you keep having these headaches.” And I’m like “Oh, right, right, I keep having these headaches.”
Dr. Karen Greene:
He was there.
Reverend Autumn Wiggins-Merrill:
And she’s like “Will you describe the headaches.” And he begins to describe for me what the headaches are. He’d be like “No, these are bad headaches. She has to turn the lights off, it’s hard for her to watch TV. Her vision gets a little bit blurry.” And I’m like “Yeah, but once I lay down I’m”-
Dr. Deanna Guthrie:
Right, that’s it. Because that means nothing is wrong, right?
Reverend Autumn Wiggins-Merrill:
[inaudible 00:22:36] until you lay down. And so Dr. Casey was like “Okay, you’re not going anywhere,” right? I’m a little annoyed with him because I was super hungry and I wanted to leave. So she ended up waiting for my test results to get back. She came back and she said, “Hey, there’s significant protein in your urine. That with your rising blood pressure, I need you to go to labor and delivery.” At the time I thought that was optional. I didn’t know I was supposed to go.
Dr. Deanna Guthrie:
Okay, wait a minute. Okay.
Dr. Mironda Williams:
Yes, yes.
Dr. Deanna Guthrie:
All right, wait a minute, wait a minute.
Reverend Autumn Wiggins-Merrill:
And she’s texting.
Dr. Deanna Guthrie:
And I was texting Dr. Williams.
Dr. Karen Greene:
And she’s saying-
Dr. Mironda Williams:
Arguing because I’m like-
Dr. Karen Greene:
No, do not pass go.
Dr. Mironda Williams:
Go to hospital.
Dr. Karen Greene:
Do not pass go-
Dr. Mironda Williams:
You don’t need anything from the house.
Dr. Karen Greene:
Go straight to the hospital.
Dr. Mironda Williams:
Go now, text me when you get there.
Reverend Autumn Wiggins-Merrill:
Text me when you get there. And mind you, it’s just downstairs. Dr. Williams is texted me telling me this, my mom’s texting me telling me this. And I’m like “Yeah, but I don’t have a headache right now and I’m hungry.” So we didn’t go to labor and delivery.
Dr. Karen Greene:
I’m hungry. Don’t eat.
Reverend Autumn Wiggins-Merrill:
Didn’t go to labor and delivery and went to get some food, then we went to Target.
Dr. Karen Greene:
Yes.
Reverend Autumn Wiggins-Merrill:
And we did something else.
Dr. Deanna Guthrie:
That’s scary.
Reverend Autumn Wiggins-Merrill:
And then we went down to labor and delivery and they kept me for observation. And they were like “Okay, so we’re going to deliver the baby on Friday.” And I was like “No, not Friday.” And she was like “Yes, Friday.” I’m like “Well, all right.” So Jordan called his mom and told her. We had to choose which parents would come because again, COVID.
Dr. Mironda Williams:
Right.
Reverend Autumn Wiggins-Merrill:
Most of my brothers are in Atlanta. And my eldest brother wanted to be there so … He’s really a father figure to me. And so he drove up from Atlanta. Jordan’s mom came the very next day from New Jersey, helped me get a bunch of stuff together. We went in to deliver the baby. I wasn’t dilated enough so they gave me something to push the contractions. I’m texting Dr. Williams, keeping her updated. Jordan at some point I think took over and was texting.
Dr. Mironda Williams:
Yes.
Reverend Autumn Wiggins-Merrill:
And then the contractions came more forcefully. They were really heavy but my water didn’t break. And so Dr. Casey said they would break my water so they did that. Terrible, that felt awful. And then the labor started. But after about a couple of hours Yara was stuck and I developed a fever. So they said, “Hey, we have to have an emergency C-section.” And I’m like “Oh, okay. All right.” So we went down to the OR. And as they began I started to feel this heavy burning sensation. It felt awful, it was burning. And so I’m screaming as they’re cutting me open to get the baby out and stuff. They stopped and gave me some more whatever so that it didn’t hurt anymore.
Dr. Mironda Williams:
Some more anesthesia.
Reverend Autumn Wiggins-Merrill:
It gets a little bit foggy because I passed out. I remember them lifting Yara up and her crying. And then taking her immediately. They didn’t even bring her to me they moved her to the bed. And I told Jordan to go over there. “I’m fine, just go over there,” and then I passed out. When I came to no one was in the OR. There were no doctors, there were … My husband wasn’t there, our baby wasn’t there, and I was like “What’s going on?” So I started yelling, someone came. Didn’t explain anything to me they just put me back into the labor and delivery room that I was in. My mother-in-law was in there and she was asking me, “Where’s everything?” And I’m like “I don’t know.” I mean, I was waiting. And as I was waiting I started to feel like something’s wrong. I might’ve texted you by this time. I might have or Jordan. I really don’t remember, it’s foggy. But I seen a nurse who looked like she had been crying. And I was like huh, something’s not right and Jordan is still not here.
And so after about 10 minutes I just sat there and I was praying. My mother-in-law was praying. I stopped praying and I was like “Something’s not right.” And so Dr. Muhammad, who was the pediatrician, and Jordan had come into the room and explained to me that Yara’s heart was not working. And that because it was not working there’s not enough … There wasn’t enough oxygen to go to her brain. And that essentially there’s no brain activity. And so I’m trying to figure out okay, so what do we do, right? All right, cool, what do we do?
Dr. Deanna Guthrie:
How do we fix it?
Dr. Mironda Williams:
How do you fix it?
Reverend Autumn Wiggins-Merrill:
How do you fix it? I’m looking at Jordan’s face and he’s like … And he just said, “Honey, you’re not understanding.” And I’m like “No, I get it. But solutions-based, what is the solution?” And so they said, “Do you want to see her?” And I was like “Absolutely.” So they rolled me because I just couldn’t walk. So they rolled me into the NICU, and I was holding her, and there was just a team. There were so many people in there working on her. And everybody was crying. And I’m in denial, right? I’m like “They don’t need to be crying, she’s going to be fine, give me my baby.” And she wasn’t, she wasn’t. They unhooked her from everything and we just held her until her last breath. We told her to take a nap and that we would see her soon. Then my mother-in-law came in and said her goodbyes. I was in such shock because how? Everything was fine until it wasn’t.
Dr. Deanna Guthrie:
Right.
Reverend Autumn Wiggins-Merrill:
And then we went back into the room and made the calls and did everything. Our pastor at the time got there. I kind of remember Bishop being there maybe. I don’t even know when she got there.
Dr. Deanna Guthrie:
Right.
Reverend Autumn Wiggins-Merrill:
I just woke up I seen a red suit.
Dr. Mironda Williams:
Yes, yes.
Dr. Deanna Guthrie:
That sounds like her.
Dr. Mironda Williams:
So again, Jordan had been texting and calling. And as Autumn is saying, she’s in shock, I’m in shock because I’m … I think I called you I’m like-
Dr. Deanna Guthrie:
I know. I was like “What?”
Dr. Mironda Williams:
I’m like “The baby died.”
Dr. Deanna Guthrie:
I said “What are you saying?”
Dr. Mironda Williams:
And she’s like “What baby?” I said, “Autumn’s baby died and I don’t understand.” I’m like “I don’t understand. I need somebody to help me understand.” And it was horrible, right? So this baby that we had prayed for-
Reverend Autumn Wiggins-Merrill:
This is her.
Dr. Mironda Williams:
Was here, cried, all of that, did not survive. Oh. That’s our baby.
Reverend Autumn Wiggins-Merrill:
That’s our sweet girl.
Dr. Mironda Williams:
That’s our sweet girl. She did not survive. Autumn also had a very difficult postpartum recovery.
Reverend Autumn Wiggins-Merrill:
Yes.
Dr. Mironda Williams:
In addition to being just postpartum, post-op, C-section she had hemorrhage, she had retained products, they had to go back. I mean, it was just a whole thing. She had infection. So again, I’m just trying to get us to the good part.
Reverend Autumn Wiggins-Merrill:
Yes, yes, I know.
Dr. Mironda Williams:
She got through the recovery of that, after some weeks physically, but the mental and emotional healing from something like that was challenging. It was challenging for Autumn, it was challenging for her husband, it was challenging for her friends and family, her loved ones who are trying to support her but then they’re dealing with their own. And Autumn admittedly struggled with, do I even want to do this again, right?
Dr. Deanna Guthrie:
Right.
Dr. Mironda Williams:
She and her young husband, who’s my favorite … Jordan, you’re my favorite. So who is my favorite. I mean, just a beautiful couple, right? They’re doing-
Dr. Deanna Guthrie:
Everything.
Dr. Mironda Williams:
All that they’re supposed to do. She had miscarriages. She had more than one miscarriage. Several miscarriages. We get to this point, we get to the end, we don’t get to take a baby home.
Reverend Autumn Wiggins-Merrill:
Don’t get to take her home.
Dr. Mironda Williams:
Don’t get to take her home. Because I want to get to your piece because we’re getting up on time for this episode, we’ll have to get you back.
Reverend Autumn Wiggins-Merrill:
So part of my-
Dr. Mironda Williams:
Yes.
Reverend Autumn Wiggins-Merrill:
So most of my life a coping mechanism has been able to write. And so I just wanted to write but I couldn’t. I was so angry, I was so disappointed. I felt shame. And so every time I went to go sit down and write nothing came. That was not something that had … That I’ve ever struggled with. Since I started writing that was never something that I struggled with. For months I just couldn’t. I tried to do other things that I have … I draw a little bit and different things. I think the biggest struggle is my inspiration for writing is experience, right? So I experienced something and it really does inspire me to write. Whether it’s an experience of where I can connect to advocacy, it could be a spiritual experience, it could be a number of different things. Conversation. And it’s evolved over time. That was probably one of the hardest things, not being able to utilize this outlet that has gotten me through so much in my life, right?
And I’d like to share the poem with you all. And then one day after lots of therapy, and women’s groups. And reflection and prayer in a village like no other. A village like no other, I’m so grateful for. I was able to sit down and write and it was a couple of days before Mother’s Day. And this is the poem that I have. Black mamas be like no matter how old or how young, whether in heaven or earth below, black children and their mothers they just go together like rainbows and rain. Taste like mangoes and red peppers, sound like harps and drums, like laughter and lungs. Strong like soil and roots. Sweet like candy in wrappers, soft like angels wings. Wide like oceans and rivers. Smell like Sunday dinner and barbecues in the summertime, feel like praying hands and cocoa butter kisses. Look like day, calm like night. Love no other. Black children and their mothers live on always and forever. And that was the first poem that I wrote after Yara passed away.
Dr. Deanna Guthrie:
That’s beautiful.
Reverend Autumn Wiggins-Merrill:
I started to feel a lot better in the healing process. And then I was open to the conversation. Not immediately but I was open to the conversation with Jordan about trying again, even with all the fear, right? I got pregnant again, praise God. That pregnancy had its own challenges both … Very much emotionally. I struggled with connecting with Aya while she was in my belly because I had guilt about her sister. I even had issues with connecting with my siblings, particularly one of my brothers because me and his wife were pregnant at the same time and so he went through some survival guilt. And some friends who had similar things. I really did feel like on this strange boat.
I didn’t want to celebrate too much because I had been there before. Every part of the pregnancy I had with Aya I keep getting there. I didn’t really want to celebrate until she got home. I didn’t do a nursery or anything because I was scared that what if I have to take it down like I did for her sister. And that pregnancy had lots of challenges. Gestational diabetes, preeclampsia. I got into a bad car accident months before she was born.
Dr. Karen Greene:
Goodness gracious.
Reverend Autumn Wiggins-Merrill:
And the room that they put me in after I had the car accident was the room that I gave birth to Yara in. Crazy stuff. But we made it through that. She was strong, healthy. We got to 36 weeks, scheduled for her to be born. Came to the hospital for her to be born at 6:30 in the morning, her delivery was at 8:00. At 8:00 they said, “Hey, we got to push your delivery back.” I was like “Oh my gosh. Got to be kidding me.” So they pushed the delivery back. There was an emergency. So I wasn’t an emergency I was just scheduled. There was an emergency. And so I’m like “Okay.” Then they finally were like “We’re ready” and they say, “Oh no, we need to get blood that has the titers that your blood has.”
Dr. Mironda Williams:
Yes. She had antibodies because of all of her previous things that she’d had so they had to get special … They had to try to titer cross her.
Reverend Autumn Wiggins-Merrill:
And I’m like “Oh my gosh.” My aunt was threatening the nurses at this point because they were taking too long. And we literally had to tell my aunt to go back to our house and walk our dog so that she could not threaten them. And it’s not their fault it was just … It was what it was. So even though we got there at 6:30 for a scheduled C-section, Aya came loud and strong at 2:34 PM. It was the best part of my life.
Dr. Deanna Guthrie:
Of course.
Reverend Autumn Wiggins-Merrill:
Best part of my life.
Dr. Mironda Williams:
My bestie Jordan was making sure that they were keeping … It’s gotten delayed. I told them, “I’m not going to make it.”
Dr. Deanna Guthrie:
We going to fight.
Dr. Mironda Williams:
I was like, if they don’t get the baby delivered I’m going to have to go up there. I’m have to go on up there and do this C-section. Come out of retirement because I can’t take it. Was it in the operating room, Autumn?
Reverend Autumn Wiggins-Merrill:
I think it was, yeah, yeah.
Dr. Mironda Williams:
She’s in the operating room, baby’s balling, screaming. Jordan gets me on the phone and says, “Hello, auntie Mironda.” So I hear this baby so I’m crying. And so the people, “Is that the grandmother?” “No.” “Is that the sister?” “No.” “Who is it?” “She’s just my friend.” I’m like oh my God, that’s [inaudible 00:38:18]. I wanted to get to the good part because Autumn threw out all of this. I don’t know if I could have done what you did, I really don’t. We had another author on, another episode that we taped about the writing process, and I asked her, “What did you learn about yourself through all of this?” And so as we’re wrapping up today I just want to ask you that same question. What do you think you learned about yourself?
Reverend Autumn Wiggins-Merrill:
I learned that I am far more resilient than I’ve given myself credit for. I learned that I’m much more delicate than I allow people to see. I definitely learned that God’s okay when even his preacher’s faith is shaken. Those would probably be the top threes that I learned.
Dr. Mironda Williams:
Yes.
Dr. Karen Greene:
I like that third one.
Dr. Mironda Williams:
I like them all.
Dr. Deanna Guthrie:
Well, the contrast between resilience and being delicate.
Dr. Mironda Williams:
And I’m delicate, yeah. Because I think that’s something that, women in general, we struggle with because we have to do so much, we take care of so much, we go through so much, right? So we have to be strong but we have to allow ourselves to be delicate because that’s okay. It’s both and it’s not either or. Thank you for sharing. We’ve got to get you back again, we’ve got to get our other author back again because there’s so much-
Dr. Deanna Guthrie:
We could talk for hours.
Dr. Mironda Williams:
Oh, yeah. And she has such beautiful pieces. She is our number one fan girl. She is single-handedly responsible for all of our viewers on YouTube and so I just had to get her on. These ladies know You vicariously because I have-
Dr. Deanna Guthrie:
Nice to put a face to a name.
Dr. Karen Greene:
Yes, to the name.
Dr. Deanna Guthrie:
I hear the name Autumn-
Dr. Mironda Williams:
When I’m talking to Autumn I’m like-
Dr. Deanna Guthrie:
I’m talking to her on the phone she goes, “Oh, Autumn just sent me a text.”
Dr. Mironda Williams:
Yes, yes.
Dr. Deanna Guthrie:
Wait a minute, I’ve heard about your corny jokes, right? Because you keep sending these corny jokes.
Dr. Mironda Williams:
Cornball. But when I’m talking to Autumn I’m very calm. They are corny, Autumn. But when I’m talking to Autumn I’m like “Yes, Autumn, it’s going to be okay because XYZ, PDQ, and just” … “We just got to get to the next point.”
Dr. Deanna Guthrie:
Who are you? Somebody help because you got hexed.
Dr. Mironda Williams:
So they were my sounding board.
Reverend Autumn Wiggins-Merrill:
Thank you, guys. Thank you.
Dr. Mironda Williams:
Because I don’t know how you did it. I’m so glad everything worked out well, thank God. Yes. How old is my baby?
Dr. Karen Greene:
Oh my goodness, she’s gorgeous.
Dr. Mironda Williams:
Thank you. That is our sweet girl, Aya. She’s still asleep thank the Lord or else I would bring her in.
Dr. Deanna Guthrie:
That’s a long nap.
Dr. Mironda Williams:
I know. I was hoping she’d wake up so that our audience could see her.
Reverend Autumn Wiggins-Merrill:
Nope.
Dr. Mironda Williams:
I know you’re going to all your people to watch-
Reverend Autumn Wiggins-Merrill:
Yes.
Dr. Mironda Williams:
And we’re going to tell all our people to watch so this will probably be our most viral episode ever.
Reverend Autumn Wiggins-Merrill:
Let’s go, let’s go.
Dr. Mironda Williams:
Yes. Thank you for your openness. Thank you for your friendship. Thank you for all of your support for me, and my partners, and our practice, and our podcast. And we just wish nothing, nothing but wonderful blessings for you and your family, your husband, and your … And whatever’s to come. We haven’t decided yet what we’re doing down the line in terms of more babies but we’ll figure that out. Not that I have anything to do with that.
Dr. Deanna Guthrie:
I was about to say, “We. As in we, we”
Dr. Mironda Williams:
Sorry.
Dr. Karen Greene:
Auntie Mironda.
Dr. Mironda Williams:
I digress, I digress.
Reverend Autumn Wiggins-Merrill:
You can see she’s got some valid input there.
Dr. Mironda Williams:
We just want to thank everyone. Time has gotten away from us so we’ve got to close this episode out. But again, thanks to Autumn. To our audience, thank you. Please continue to share us with your friends and family. Check us out on all of your social media platforms. Our website at takegoodcare.com. And again, happily, I am Dr. Mironda Williams.
Dr. Deanna Guthrie:
I’m Dr. Deanna Guthrie.
Dr. Karen Greene:
And I’m Dr. Karen Greene. Take good care.